After The Fall
by ambermichellev
Summary: Elissa tries to piece together the Architects history, when she receives a strange letter from Zeveran about a chance encounter he had with Morrigan
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Elissa was sitting alone at her table when a knock on the door sounded "Come in" She said with a slight sigh, Alistair walked in and crossed over to her "Hello love, What was that all about?" He asked, kneeling beside her chair and looking at her, she avoided his gaze "What was what about?" She asked, trying to play innocent.

He pushed himself off the ground "You know what i'm talking about, you left earlier during dinner, What for?"

"Because, i don't want to be around many people lately... You do know i have a lot to think about.. Mostly ... these" She indicates the papers that are scattering her desk

"What are these? The documents you found in that emissary's lab?" Alistair asked

"Yeah" She looked uneasy "But I've found references to things that.."

"What is it dear?, Come on.. you can tell me anything" He said softly.

"I've found references to a trek through the deep roads lead by a warden commander by the name of Genevieve..." Elissa said uneasily

"Should i know that name?" Alistair asked confused

"I don't know, there's really no record of her at the keep" Elissa said

"You think there would be.. How long ago was this?" Alistair said

"I dunno.. twenty five years, maybe longer, Allistair.." Elissa said staring at him with intensity

"What?" He asked

"These documents mention Duncan.." She said, looking away

"What?" Alistair said, his face looked as it normally did whenever one mentioned Duncan after his demise at Ostagar, Paper White.

"Yeah.. that's ... kind of the reason i've been acting weird for a bit.. I mean, this warden commander, From what i'm reading it appears she was HIS commander, His big boss.. He can't have been older than eighteen at the time" Elissa said, sifting through more of the papers

"Does it say why they were in the deep roads?" Alistair asked

"No i don't think so, there may be some papers missing, But there were people with them" Elissa said

"Who?" Alistair said "Some elven woman, a few warriors, a dwarf.. Wait.." Elissa said, pausing to sift through a secondary stack of paper

"What, did you find something?" Alistair looked over her shoulder to try and see what she was looking at.

"I did" She said "I don't.. remember if i told you about this but when me and the others got kidnapped by the architecht, on the way out he showed himself before he summoned two dragons with some strange magic.. There was a dwarven woman with him.. He said her name was Utha"

"Huh, was is the same one that went into the deep roads with this Genevieve?"

"Yes, actually.. and shes not the only one who was there" She skimmed through more of the Architects notes "Maric.."

"Maric was there? The king of Ferelden ... In the bowels of the deep roads!" He said incredulously "I don't believe that, And how does this .. architect know anyone's name anyway? I mean is it like a pleasant meeting where this thing has manners or something, I can't imagine a darkspawn being ..nice" He said, running his hang distractingly through his hair.

"Well" Elissa started "You weren't there.. He was certainly creepy enough, Yes but he was also very polite about everything, I'm sure he found out their names just as he knew ours" She said

"Wait, he KNEW your names?" He said

"Yes, all of ours, i assume he knew Velanna's because he had her sister with him." She said

"Her sister..Did.. Did anyone ever find her?" He asked

"No, i sent out a search team to the lair we were at.. They never found anything"

"Has anyone found Velanna?" Alistair asked.

"No." Elissa said, looking away "Seneschal Veral said when me and the others came back that she had been crushed by falling debris from the keep.. But they never found a body" She went back to her papers

"So.." Alistair began pacing "What exactly do those notes say.. I mean why were all these people in the deep roads? I mean the king of fereldan hardly just drops everything to go into the deep roads does he?"

Elissa looked up at him "I don't know, i can believe it" She smirked

"Oh funny, very funny, I never once went into the deep roads in the time i've been king, I'll have you know"

"Mhmm, but if you had a choice to go there, you would.. Like father like son"

"I would NOT choose to go into the deep roads!" Alistair said, chuckling "Anyway, dear.. I have to get back to our guests least they think I've been eaten by a broodmother.. Are you sure you aren't coming with?" He asked looking at her gently

"No, i have a lot of things to think about tonight..." She looks up at him and gives him a reassuring smile "I'll be fine Alistair, Just go.. Be all royal and stuff, I'll just put these papers away and get on to bed"

"Good, you need the rest" He turns to walk out of the room "Be good Dear Elissa, And please don't worry yourself over those notes" He leaves, the door closing behind him.

One thing in the paper stack that Alistair did not know about was the letter from Zeveran she had received a day earlier and was the source for most of her confusion and mood shifts, The letter states

_Dear Elissa, It is i.. Zevran, I am.. well i cannot say where i am currently lest this letter falls into the wrong hands, The hands of.. The birds that are trying to kill me, Let us just say i am not without information, I ran into a friend of ours almost a week ago, By the name of Morrigan, She pretended she did not know who i was.. Elissa i want you to understand that the morrigan i saw whilst strolling the streets of my current location was nothing like the Morrigan who you bonded with at camp, She looked very different, it was only a miracle that i recognized her as ... you know, Her._

_What i am writing about is that she did not first say anything to me that lead on she remembered me or the rest of you, She did however tell me to give "The Grey Warden Commander" A message - which is as folows:_

_Dragons blood was spilled This deal holds true Lies were spread The witch of the wilds is still alive I am being hunted But not by previous mentioned The fade is your answer - Morrigan_

_I do not understand what she means.. But maybe you can decipher it, Another thing.. She told me to tell you not to speak of this to anyone else, I miss you darling, You must write back as soon as you can and tell me of these fabulous tales and talking darkspawn you've met on your travels.. Yes? Also.. don't let Alistair see this letter... He may get jealous_

_Love,_  
_The Crow_


	2. The Assasin

It was almost a year after the archdemon had been defeated, and a fair few months since the battle with The Architect and The Mother,

Elissa Cousland lay in a large bed alone at the noble palace in Denerim, Time had passed by very slowly for her after walking out of The Mothers lair, It almost seemed hazy, She hadn't seen or heard from Anders, Sigrun, Justice, Nathanial, Or even Oghren since then.

She is dreaming of a beautiful white palace, The kind she used to dream of ruling when she was a little girl, She knew she was from a noble family and dreamed of being The Queen, in a flowing white gown with a diamond encrusted crown worn atop her flowing brown hair. Things didn't turn like her childhood fantasies... She was walking down a long hallway, In her white gown.. She hears a voice, Calling her name.. she follows it.. It seems to be a lost woman, Calling to her..

"Wake up" Said a voice softly in her ear, She turns over and opens her eyes slowly to see Zeveran standing there at the foot of her large bed frame "Zev.. what are you doing here?" She pulls the sheets up to her chin and looks around for Alistair, Who doesn't seem to be around..

He's probably just going about his kingly duties

"Don't worry, my love.. I am just here .. to see you" She sees that he looks very uneasy, Nervous even.. She doesn't remember ever seeing that in his eyes, He sits down on the bed slowly, staring at her..

"Zeveran, Please.. tell me whats going on.. You are starting to scare me" she said softly

"I cannot.. speak of it.. My dear Elissa, I am.. I am so very sorry" Before she can even question him, Before she can even blink she feels the taste of blood and the cold steel against her insides.. Twisting and writing inside of her, Blood pouring out like a red waterfall, A collage of images rushes through her brain, Duncan taking her away from the horrors of the Arl Howe invasion, The joining, The trip into the wilds, Daveth and Jory's deaths.. Facing her first darkspawn, looking for her brother, meeting morrigan, bracing the deep roads, meeting oghren, Almost dying at the hands of an elven assassin, What was his name...

Her thoughts were replaced with the sound of screaming, Allistair's screaming, he called for the gaurds, and the last thing she remembered hearing was Zeveran's voice "I love you, I am sorry.." - - - - - - - - -

White, it was all she saw when she opened her eyes.. She was back at Camp, She looked around and saw everyone around her, Sten, Leliana, Alistair, Wynne, Morrigan, Shale.. She sat up quickly

"Bad dreams?" Wynne came over to her bedroll and knelt down beisde her

"Oh, i dont' know.. I guess, It was so .. long.. and real.. I mean the blight was over and we won, And i met a talking darkspawn, and Duncan and Cailin were gone and alistair was king and Loghain betrayed The Wardens at Ostagar.. And-"

"Dear girl, what madness are you talking about? Duncan is very much alive" Wynne said, staring at her as though she were insane

"What? But he died.. at ostagar.." She said slowly, trying to make sense of this

"No dear.. Riordan fell at ostagar, While trying to save Caillin.. It was a mircacle any of us got out of there alive" She said softly, Turning to look at the fire "Duncan is over there, He said he wanted to speak with you"

"Oh, i should go see him then" She slowly got up with help from Wynne, She started walking past everyone in camp to the far end.. A lonely little area where Duncan was sitting by a small fire he had constructed by himself, She said beside of him

"Why aren't you over there with everyone else?" She asksed slowly

Duncan looked up at her "I am merely biding the time, I do not wish to impose myself amongst any of you" He sighed heavily "You are probably wondering why you are here.."

"Where am I? This can't be real.. Can it? I had the worst dream in all my life, It was so real.. and so long" She said, desperation in her voice

"It was not a dream, That was all that has passed in the past year and a half of your life" He said

"Then why am i here? Where is this? Is this a dream? .. Is this the Fade?"

Duncan Chuckled "Calm down, Dear girl.. Yes you are... but you aren't as well"

"Then where am i?" She said confused and upset at his laughter in a time like this

"You are stuck inside your own mind."

"What do you mean?" She said, fear creeping up her throat

"You're in a coma, Elissa"


	3. The In Between

"So what happened to me?" Elissa asked quietly "You really don't remember do you?" Duncan replied, a worried look on his face "All i remember is being at The Palace, having a dream"

"You awoke, Can you remember why?"  
"Someone came to see me... I think"  
"Zeveran, The young elf - Came to visit you in your room, How he got past the guards is questionable, Considering he had visible weaponry at the time of his arrival"  
"But.. why would Zeveran try to kill me?... We.. i thought we had .. a thing"  
"A connection?"  
"Er" Elissa blushed "Well, i would certainly hope so"  
"Maybe he thinks differently of your past relationship, Or maybe it's merely been a long time since you've seen each other and he's a different person" Duncan said, running his fingers across his beard absentmindedly "Maybe, but i thought he was done with the whole 'I'm going to kill you, ha ha ha ha'" Elissa said "Maybe he is a different person than the one you were with" Duncan said thoughtfully "When do i get to wake up?" Elissa asked "Oh, you can wake up whenever you want. But you won't truly be among your friends, It's best just to stay here.. Isn't it much safer?"  
"But.. Alistair.. He's there.. I heard him screaming"  
"Trust me Elissa, Alistair is fine.. As are you.. So we can keep quite here for a while" He said, he abruptly stopped talking and they sat in silence for as long as she can care to remember

The world moved in slow motion.. The screaming he heard around him sounded far off.. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the world, Zeveran's blade trickling with the blood of The Warden fell to the ground, If you were watching the scene and weren't involved in it, You would see things moving rather fast, But if you were Zeveran, The world would be nearly stopped.. He tried to speak, he tried even harder to breathe.. But he failed and slowly falls down to his knees.. Guards surrounding him, Screaming, Alistair rushes over to Elissa's limp body and holds her in his arms, Tears streaming down his face and a quick look of disdain at him that makes Zeveran want to join the nearest chantry.

Everything caught up, He was on his knees.. The Arl had come in the room since the last he remembered and was knelt right in front of him "Why did you do it, Zeveran?"  
He hears echos all around him, The Arl's face blurring.. Zeveran tried to focus but it only came out worse.. He blinked, confused "Why.." His mouth tried to get around the words his head was telling him to say "Why did...I killed the Grey warden, Did i not?"

The arl stood up "She may not recover, Zeveran.. I would like to speak with you about your modus operandi.. Why did you do it?"

"Because i had to" Zeveran said, without hesitating "She knew i was coming"  
Suddenly images flashed through Zeverans mind, All of the adventures he had with Elissa and the rest of the mates, He put his hands to his head, screaming for the painful thoughts to stop "What.. did i do?... What have... i done?" He looks around, As if he just woke up in this place and didn't know how he got there. Alistair moved from Elissa and walked over to Zeveran "Stand up" He said curtly... Zeveran looked up at The King, He saw blurring at the lines of his vision.. he tried to blink it away, The images, memories came back.. A shooting pain in his head and heart as if needles were slowly entwining themselves throughout his entire body, He fell forward on his hands "I cannot.." He responded to Alistair command.

Alistair stared incredulously, "Get. up" He said a little more forcefully, The arl gave him a look of stern warning and said "Alistair, perhaps we should take him to the basements"

"No, not yet Eamon, I have a few questions i want answered before we take him anywhere... Now please, in private" He said, indicating for Arl Eamon and the guards to leave, The arl looked worried "Are you sure about this Alistair? Leaving yourself alone with a known assassin? I worry for your safety"

"Don't worry about me, If he tries anything.. I'll kill him myself" Alistair said, giving zeveran a wicked look, "Come on.. I'll be fine" He said reassuringly, Arl Eamon and the others left.. Shutting the door behind them.


	4. In dreams and make believe

Zeveran woke a number of hours later, It was dark in the bedroom except a sigular oil lamp on the table by the bed.. The bed that Elissa's body had been, It had been moved sometime during his slumber, He looked around, Alistair was at the desk looking through Elissa's notes that she had taken from The Architects lab a few months back, He quickly looks over at Zeveran, hearing the Elf awaken, He comes to his feet and slowly walks toward where Zeveran is, his hands bound to a chair. Alistair sits in another chair directly in front of Zeveran and speaks

"So.." His voice comes out thick with pain, betrayal "How long have we known each other Zev?"  
Zeveran looked away from Alistair. "For a fair deal of time, It would seem"  
"And .. in that time that we have known each other you never thought it wise to tell me you planned on murdering my wife?" Alistair said, bitterness leaking out of his mouth into the room until it was too much to bear "I did.. not... This is not what i intended to do Alistair. You must believe me"  
"How am i supposed to put my trust in a man who tried to kill Elissa not once, But THREE times!"  
"You can't just... you have to hear me out, Alistair"  
"No! I will NOT hear you out.. You've betrayed us.. All of us.. Constantly, And i never thought to make a mention of it because Elissa turned a blind eye when it came to you"  
"It isn't like this Alistair, Please let me explain" Zeveran pleaded "No, it IS like this.. And it has always been like this.. You can take the elf out of the crow, But you can't take the crow out of the elf.."  
"Alistair.." Zeveran said softly, still not looking at him "No, I am DONE with you" Alistair gave him a deeply scornful look and stormed out of the bedroom, Leaving Zeveran completely alone.

"So what do i.. do? Am i alive? Am i dead?" Elissa asked "You are merely in between.. You can still walk, And talk.. And breath..."  
"You're not really here are you?"  
"No, as a matter of fact, I am the only one who is actually here and not just a part of your own minds construction, Everyone else here. Though they seem real and alive, Are you're own mind creating them as a means of coping, understanding"

"How are you here then.. If this is... my mind"  
"It is, and is not your mind.. It is your sub conscious connected to outlets of the fade, When i died.." Duncan looks away "When i died at Ostagar i had with me an amulet of the most powerful magics.. It sent me into the fade, Where i have been for almost two years, I am not.. under normal circumstances allowed to cross into peoples dreams or unconscious state"  
"Where did you get this amulet from?"  
"A friend of mine, a long time ago.. She gave it to me whilst we traveled the deep roads"  
"Duncan" She said suddenly "Do you think things will be okay? Will i be.. will i survive?"  
"There is no way of knowing what may or may not happen, All we can possibly know is right here.. and at this particular moment it seems like your friends wish to speak with you.  
"But they aren't really my friends, Are they?"  
"They are more than anything, you're friends" Duncan said curtly, getting up and heading towards the fire, Elissa followed, She saw Duncan and Alistair strike up a conversation, And as weird as it may be, It calmed her to see people she knew, in places she no longer recognized.. She kneeled on her bedroll, Leliana sat beside her "It hurts, doesn't it?"  
"What does?"  
"The knife in your back.. You can pretend the wound isn't there for such a long time, But in the end it was still the one you love who caused it."  
"Marjolaine?"  
"Yes, I was running to get out of there with the papers i was sent in for... I wanted to fix the mess so badly but it turned out i had only made it worse for myself for trusting Marjolaine in the first place.. She whispered to me, She called me her pretty-thing and stabbed me right in the stomach.. I was in shock, When i awoke in the dungeons i cried, It must have been hours down there.. My tears and blood entermingled on the floor.. I was a mess, And i understand the pain you must be feeling"  
"I just don't understand, Zeveran.. how could he do this to me..?"  
"You think you know someone, you think you can trust them and they will always be the people you knew them to be, But everything changes in an instant and if you don't watch closely, You'll miss it.. I know you don't want to think that maybe Zeveran was always this way, Purposefully hiding in wait for the right moment... I don't think that Zeveran would be the kind of person to lure you into a romantic relationship merely to betray you, He is not Marjolaine, after all.. Though me and him, We played a similar game"  
"Where is he?" Elissa looks around "He is not here when everyone else is.."  
"He's at the Arl's Estate.. Alone"  
"Where am i exactly?"  
"Didn't Duncan say..? You are in a dream, and not in a dream, you are unconsious.. But alive, We all know what happened because we are a part of you're mind"  
"Maybe i should go see Zeveran" Elissa thought absently  
"I don't think it's wise. But do what you must" Leliana said, her voice starting to echo  
Elissa turned around, she was there.. At the Royal Palance in denerem, The arl's estate... Zeveran was sitting in a chair, His arms and legs completely bound together..  
"Hello?" She spoke.. it came out in echos which she wasn't sure he could hear "Hello?" She repeated Zeveran raised his head, and looked around.. He could not see her, It seemed.. "He..hello?" He said timidly She tried to speak again, to walk just an inch forward but she found herself back at camp with Duncan's hand on her shoulder "No, it's not time yet, Elissa"  
"Time for what?"  
"The end"


	5. In darkness comes

Zeveran was alone, hiding in a small alcove near Wonders of Thedas.. He didn't have much time before the Guards or even Alistair caught up with him. He wanted to make a quick getaway, He had heard something back at the Estate.. It must have been of magic origin because it blew his chair back, causing the bounds and rope to be untied, He carefully made his way through the servants exit, As there was nobody there. It was an easy escape... Which struck him as odd in itself.. Why would the palace be empty? No guards stationed outside all exists, Not even any servants in the kitchens.

A swift movement from behind startled him, He whipped around and a small cat was watching him from the ground, As he watched the cats eyes slowly turned red and transformed into a larger than life Pride Demon

Zeveran shook himself awake, He was in the estate, still bound to his chair.. The room was empty and several of the candles had gone out, He tried to speak but no sound came out, He struggled against the ropes binding him to the chair.. Several images flashed through his head, Bringing with them a bout of pain that almost made him feel nauseous.. He struggled so hard against his bindings that his movement caused the chair to slowly tip backwards, It hit the floor with a loud thump, And Zeveran's head smacked against the hard wooden tiles.. The ruckus brought Alistair back into the room with his entourage of guards.. "What is going on in here?" He lights the wall candles and nearly trips over Zeverans and the chair on the floor "What in makers name are you doing down there?" He asked incredulously staring down at Zeveran

"Well" Zeveran began "I just thought i might take a nice little leisurely nap here on the floor, It seemed more practical than sitting up all night"

"Oh, sarcasm.. I'm not used to THAT from you."

"Your majesty" Zeveran said mockingly "Can you please?"

"Oh, right" He motioned forward.. His guards motioned to stop him, He glared at them "Come on guys, Seriously. I know him"  
"Yes, Your majesty.. But he's an assassin, A known threat.. He tried to kill you and Lady Elissa **twice **before"

Alistair glared at them "Please, i know what i'm doing" He said motioning over to help Zeveran up, "I'm going to untie you, Don't try anything"  
"Oh please, i think you know me better than that Alistair" Zeveran said as Alistair gingerly helped him rightside up and started to untie his binds, The guards looked wary by the entrance, "If i was going to try something it would have been when i was still on the ground in a heap, It'd be less expected" Alistair glared "Not. the time to be making jokes.. Zeveran" He said, tossing the ropes aside.  
"I did not actually believe you would untie me."  
"Why not?"  
"Well because, i tried to kill your wife not ten hours ago."  
"Oh, right.. Well people say my father was a trusting man. I take after him in that respect"  
"You should never be too trusting, Alistair" Zeveran said sadly, looking away from Alistair. "I wish to see Lady Elissa..."  
The guard almost broke down but remained his composure saying through gritted teeth "Yes, lets pay the one you nearly killed a loving visit"  
Alistair glared at him "You can come with us, if you must.. But I will take him to see the Lady"  
"Your majesty, I don't think -"  
"I don't think you have an opinion that overrules the king of fereldan." He said, fairly The guard backed down, Leading alistair and Zeveran out the room"

Elissa was laying on the bed, her hands gently resting on her stomach which was bandaged since Zeveran had attacked her, Her eyes were closed.. She looked peaceful, as if she were about to be put in a casket and shoved underground.

No, Zeveran thought, Don't think about that.  
He crossed the room, leaving Alistair standing in the door "Uhm, I'll leave you alone" He says, The guard behind him nearly exploded "SER! That is NOT a good idea, Who is to say he won't merely try to finish the job once he has her alone!" He spat at Alistair

"He won't" Alistair said softly "Now let us leave".. He and the gaurd exited the room, Zeveran heard the guard muttering under his breath, something about duty and legality and nobles. He sat down beside Elissa on the bed, He stared at her face.. her soft features catching him off his guard, It had been a long time since he had been this close to her. He placed his hand upon her heart.. He felt a soft slow, uneven heartbeat.. He laid his head upon her chest, Listening, waiting.. A single tear fell from his eye, running down his cheek and making it's final resting place upon Elissa's chest..


	6. Conversations with the enemy

Elissa stared at Duncan "What do you mean?"  
Duncan looks down "I cannot explain it yet, Perhaps it is wise that you speak with Loghain over there" He points in the general direction of where she suspected Loghain might have been

"But" She began "I killed him at the landsmeet.."  
"Yes, and his spirit roams.. He wanted to have a word with you" Duncan turned back to the fire and she walked onward towards Loghain's campsite

Elissa blinked.. She slowly walked toward Loghain, She was soon directly in front of him.. "Well.. this is awkward"  
Loghain cocked his head sideways at her "Duncan told you i wished to speak with you?" He asked  
"Yes, i .. I'm more than a little confused about all of this, I .. I killed you"  
"Yes, i remember that.. I was there after all" He said, sitting down near the small fire, Elissa followed suit

"I saw it in your eyes you know" He said after a few moments  
"Saw what?" She said, frowning  
"You were considering the Orleasian's offer.. Making me undergo the joining, But you did not."  
"His **name**... was Riordan"  
"Was?"  
"Yes, he is dead now.. He had made a sacrifice to slow the archdemon down during the battle"  
"Oh."  
"It's not like i expect you to understand, I mean i know how you feel about Orlesians.."  
"No, you really don't"  
"And yes, maybe i was considering his offer"  
"Why didn't you go through with it, If i might ask?"  
"Alistair"  
"Ah, seems to make sense.. Couldn't imagine how livid he would have been had you made the decicion"  
"So, I wonder" He said after a few moments uncomfortable silence "Why are you here?"  
"I'm dying" Elissa answered easily  
"You can't be .. dying" He said, a confused look on his face  
"Someone.. someone i love, Betrayed me..That is why i am here"  
"Ah, yes.. Love and Betrayal.. The two often go hand in hand do they not?"  
"And what would you know about it?" She said, giving him a cold look  
"Of course, You would be one to think i have not lived a time longer than what she sees in front of her" He looks into the fire "There was a time when i was a different.. man, Where i had a best friend in Maric, where i ... " he stopped speaking abrubtly  
"No, continue" She said, looking vaugely interested "I was once like you, I was once blinded by love.." he said slowly  
"I never would have believed it, Loghain Mac Tir, The hero of river dane and destroyer of Ostagar, Having **actual **feeling?"  
"Hm, i wasn't aware that is what I was called" Loghain said thoughtfully  
Elissa looked seriously at him "You aren't, it's just what i've come to know you as."  
"You are a very confusing individual, You are aware of this I presume?"  
"Confusing?"  
"Because you seem to be friendly to me one moment and hostile to me the next"  
"Friendly? That was NOT friendly, it was mere pleasentries. I decided not to rip your heart out and feed it to you the very first time i get to sit down and speak with you"  
"It seems to be doing well, Maybe we should have done this at the landsmeet"  
Elissa blinked, she stared at him "Did you just make a joke?"  
"It seems so."  
"You have humor, who would have thought"  
"Why are you so hostile?"  
"That, is a stupid question"  
"No, i understand.. Ostagar.. The King, The Wardens.. But there is another reason. Am i correct?"  
"Oh yes of course.. I gave you too much credit to remember exactly what you did to me, Do you not recognize the name?"  
"Elissa?"  
"**Cousland**"  
Loghain fell deadly silent "Yes, now.. you remember.. But you don't remember like i do.. The screams, The blood, They raped my sister in law and murdered my nephew"  
Loghain turned his icy cold glare on her, Staring directly at her "That, was not my doing"  
"Oh sure, because you and howe conspired on several things together, One of which was murdering my whole family and leaving us for dead just so you wouldn't have to deal with those pesky problematic orlesians"  
"It had nothing to do with that, I did not have anything to do with what Howe planned half the time.. "  
"But you knew, you knew.. and you did NOTHING to stop it.. Because of your obsession.. You know why can't you just get over it already.. It was over thirty years ago.. and your DEAD now.. But you still have that disgusting racist problem"  
"It's not just a matter of where they come from, You don't understand what everyone...me.. my family, had to go through.."  
"Oh because it's so difficult being farmers" Elissa said angrily, she stood up starting to walk away  
"They raped my mother, And i saw it all..." He said, in a final sort of tone.. Elissa stopped dead in her tracks. She looked behind her at Loghain, staring intently into the fire "I.. i don't know what to say"  
He looked up at her "Don't bother saying anything, It is fine."  
Elissa walked back toward the middle of the camp, With Duncan and the others all surrounding the warm flames... She stared into them, and vaguely wondered what was happening and where this would lead her..


	7. Orders and Regret

"Why did you do it?" Alistair's voice rang from the doorway, Zeveran looked up startled  
"I had orders."  
"Whose orders? Has Loghain come back from The Fade to hire more assassins to kill us?" Alistair said  
"No.. not that, Alistair. It.. is complicated"  
"No, it's not.. it's really rather simple, You tried to murder my wife and the Queen of Ferelden.. And i want to know why" Alistair started pacing, an irritated look on his face  
"I cannot tell you"  
"Cannot, or will not?"  
"Both, in a way"  
"Okay then, I can't force it out of you if you don't want to tell me. But i do expect to know eventually.. You just don't try to kill someone you were in love with, If that was even true"  
"It was.. it is .. true"  
Alistair paced around "And i mean, me and you weren't bad friends were we? We got along didn't we?  
"Yes, Alistair.. We did, Except for the matter of you marrying the woman i love"  
"Well yeah, theres that.. But you wouldn't try to kill HER if that was the case, I would be your target"  
"Alistair, i wish to be in a cell."  
"You wish to what?" He stopped pacing in his tracks  
"Put me in a cell. I cannot stand to be in this room any longer, Sitting next to a woman who is dying as we speak.. It is heart wrentching."  
Alistair's face softened.. "I am.. sorry Zeveran, I hope you.. can tell me why you have done what you've done, soon"  
"I'm going to be put to death eventually am i not?"  
"We need to take to the courts to decide that, There will most likely be a landsmeet called.. As this deals directly with The Royal House, It is probably wise that we discuss this with you and the Arl in the next few days, But if you wish to be put behind bars in the dungeons, So be it.. I will call my gaurds to detain you."  
"I will go willingly"  
"Yes but, I want them to feel like their job actually means something, Gaurds!" He yelled out  
Two gaurds appeared, Including the Captain who complained earlier "Yes?"  
"Take this man and lock him away in the Dungeons, It is what he wishes"  
"He's gonna wish for a better life when the nobles are finished with him" The gaurd mumbled before he and the Captain escorted Zeveran out of the room


	8. The Long Road Home

Elissa was sitting near the fire in camp, She had felt the presence of her Husband and it had almost driven her to tears, She was alone, Everyone else was doing their own thing, Morrigan was talking to Leliana, Sten and Shale were conversing to the best of their abilities, Loghain was over by his tent, Brooding no doubt. And wynne was testing out poultices she found on the road, Every once in a while glaring at Elissa, She never came over to speak with her, So elissa sat in silence, Watching everyone else and wondering if she was ever going to wake up when a noise startled her, She turned around.. It was Loghain, He sat beside her near the fire "I suppose" She began "That i should apologize for my brashness earlier, I had no idea"  
He looked at her "It is fine, It's not something normally spoken of"  
"Are you sure?" She said, actually almost feeling concern He gives her a doubtful look "Yes, now stop pestering me" He said with a slight smirk "Wow" She said, leaning forward closer to the fire to keep her warm "I had no idea you actually had any sense of humor"  
Loghain slightly chuckled "Most people don't"  
"So now that i've gotten to know you a little bit more.. There is no doubt that Anora is your daughter"  
"How is Anora?"  
"Shes pretty broken up about your..death, And obviously shes pissed at me and Alistair.. But we only did what we-"  
"No warden, you only did what you wanted to do. It was a selfish move on your part"  
"You can't know that"  
"I can, and i do.. You and your whole order hated me.. Hates me still even.. I don't know, I know i caused a lot of trouble and that the trouble would cease once i died, It was purely a revenge tactic, I understand that more than anything"  
"You do, do you?"  
"To kill a person.. to sink your blade into them and feel their life force draining out of them? I would do it too given the chance, I know why you did it.. Because you asscociated me with Howes actions, But i want you to know I am not the reason your family is gone"  
"It wasn't just about that, You.. let our troops die, you let THE KING die! With NO remorse"  
"Do not act like i do not have any remorse for what happened at ostagar, Do not think i do not regret it every single day of my life, and now.. Every single day of my afterlife"  
"If you felt bad about it, If you knew it was wrong.. Why did you do it? I mean you can't hate the orleasians so much you'd risk a king, your king.. to keep them out"  
"Hate? Is it hate to see the orleasian troops stealing land from the men who rightfully own it? Is it hate to see woman get raped and children get murdered out of pure sport of the orleasians?"  
"Look, I don't know what the rebellion was like.."  
"No, you don't.. So you have no room to judge my actions"  
"But.. it's been years"  
"Time doesn't heal all wounds, Warden.. You more than anyone should know that"  
"There is something more, Behind what happened at Ostagar... Isn't there?"  
"What makes you think that?"  
"Because it wasn't just the actions of a desperate man trying to keep fereldan free, Was it?"  
"You are a smart one"  
"So what was it?"  
"It wasnt a concious thing.. It was purely a thought form from bitter memories, I made Cailin a victim in something he could never understand, It wasn't as if i wanted him dead. Certainly not, He was my best friends son for andraste's sake"  
"Then why did he lay dead on the battle field, Loghain?"  
"Because he was foolish enough to storm the front lines. I had no choice in the matter, There was no arguing with him, He wanted a glorious battle with the grey wardens, And he did indeed get it"  
"Get to the point"  
"Cailin was the son of my best friend, and his bethrothed..."  
"Rowan Guerrein?"  
"Yes, I see you are well educated"  
"My father knew Arl Eamon and Bann Tegan.. They spoke of their older sister quite often"  
"Yes, i can see that they would."  
"You were in love with her, Weren't you?"  
"Yes.. I see no point in not admitting it freely now.."  
"Did she know?"  
"Yes she was aware, She had turned me down but.. When she felt she had no chance with Maric, She came running right back"  
"She used you?"  
"I don't know if she meant to."  
"I thought maric and her loved each other? Why would she be fearful of him not loving her?"  
"Because, Heres something the history books don't mention.. Maric was in love with someone else.. An elven spy who was hired to bring Maric in to the Orlesian usuper.. Her name was Katriel"  
"She was a spy?"  
"Nobody knew at first, We had simply thought she was a refugee... But me and Rowan started to get warry of her presence, It was .. convientient.. It was strange, When we brought up our concern to Maric he shot us down and told us we were just being paranoid.. It wasn't until most of our forces at west hill were destroyed that me and Rowan knew, We.. had her followed, She was going back to the palace and that much we knew... She was going back to the palace to cut her deal with the orleasians.. She had fallen in love with Maric, and both me and Rowan knew what she was doing.."  
"Did maric?"  
Loghain stared into the fire, His eyes turning even more ice cold than usual, The light from the fire flickered in his eyes... Elissa turned her gaze from him and back to the fire, The warmth almost consuming her "I told Maric that Katriel was a spy from the start, I told him she was returning to the palace, But i never told him why she went back.. And i never told him she truly did love him, I watched him, as he sank his blade into the woman he loved, He became a cold bitter shell of a man and there was nothing that could bring him back from that.. It was my doing, The selfishness of me wanting what i couldn't have, And if i couldn't be happy than neither could he.. So he and Rowan married, They had cailin and for the life of me i couldn't bring myself to not see Cailin as the child of two people who didn't love or trust each other truly, Rowan nor Maric ever forgave me for not telling Maric the truth.. The three of us, Once unseperable.. We all grew apart, the bond we had was broken and estranged, Maric had broken Rowan's heart with his love for Katriel, And i had betrayed Maric and had him murder the one woman in the world he wanted to be with the most..Only because i knew he had to be a strong king, And because i felt it was fair."  
"You couldn't have who you loved, So he doesn't get who he loves either.. I understand that, Although i would have probably chosen a less violent way to deal with these things"  
"I was young. Things were different back then"  
"If you knew what you know now.. Would you still have done what you did?"  
"If i knew now that Rowan loving me would be as impossible as Orzammar freezing over?"  
"Yes.."  
"Probably not.. Being responsible for Katriel's death didn't change anything, To be honest it made things worse between us all, And eventually Rowan got sick... I would have lost her no matter the choices i had made"  
"What do you regret most in your past?"  
"There is a long list of things i regret from my past, Warden.. But most of all I regret that i wasn't there, When she was dying.. That i couldnt see her, look at her once more... I had left Deneriem, and i hadn't come back for close to five years, Because i was running away from my friendship with Maric, But mostly i was running away from the two of them, I don't think i could have handled seeing them, Together"  
"Would you love her, Would you still?, Knowing everything that was to happen.."  
"Yes, Love is a powerful thing Warden.. I would do it all again, even had i known, Because that one moment... being with the one you can't be with, Staring out at the horizon, All the world is yours, Forever.. You remember how they smell, how they look, How their mere pressence makes you feel, And i remember that was the last time me and Rowan were that close again, I would do it all over, just to relive that single moment."  
"I think i would too.." There was a silence between them, Broken by Duncan walking towards the pair of them with a stern expression "Elissa" he said softly Elissa stood up, her heart pounding in her chest "Yes?"  
"It's time to go"  
"Go where?" She said, frightened and backing away a little "Go home, Your physical body is waking and you must return"  
"Oh" Elissa breathed a huge sigh of relief "Oh thank the maker!" She ran the remaining distance to Duncan and hugged him as hard as she could "Er" Duncan said, breathlessly "Elissa.."  
"Yes!" She said, almost lifting him with her excited motions "Can't breathe.."  
"Oh... Oh!" She quicky let go of him and stepped away, She put out her hand and gently shook his "Take me home.." She turned around and smiled at Loghain "Goodbye, It was nice to actually talk to you"  
He looked up at her and nodded, and with that.. She felt the world around her disapearing, the edges started to blur and she sped fast towards her bed in the palace.. Her eyes shot open, it was quiet... Mid afternoon judging by the fact that the lights weren't on and the sunlight was filtering through the high window, She looked around and her eyes found Alistair sitting at the desk going through her papers, He turned around almost as if he sensed her waking "When were you going to tell me about Zeveran's letter?"  
She froze in place, she pushed the blankets off of her and looked down to her stomach.. The wound was gone, She looked up at Alistair "Wynne and her friends" he said simply, putting aside the papers and crossing over to the bed, He sat down close to Elissa, "I've missed you."  
She looked at him, smiling.. She found her voice and croaked out "How .. how long?"  
"For about .. three months" He said "Thats a long time" She said, snuggling closer to him "I hope i hadn't worried you too much" He smiled and put his arms around her "I wasn't worried."  
"Yes you were" She looked up at him "Yes i was" 


End file.
